His pain struck a chord

Most of the conversation during our coffees centred around him telling me how sorry he was that he was so scruffy, when I was so impeccably dressed, or about how hard his life was, as he was going through a divorce.

As expected, I spilled my coffee on him a couple of times, bumped into the coffee table while trying to sit down and at one point sat right next to him, which seemed to make him jump up and shift over! I wish I could blame my awkwardness on genetics, but I think it’s just me!

During one of our coffee catch-ups he mentioned that whilst he tried his best to make his relationship work for the sake of kids, he couldn’t, and he saw himself becoming a sad, broken person, so he had to move forward. He said he didn’t think he could be a good father if he wasn’t a happy person. It hit a nerve with me, as those were my thoughts that haunted me each night about my personal situation. This was a period when there was a war raging in my head regarding my marriage.

As I sat listening, we said in unison “I/we have a right to live our best life”. And it was awkward after that, we just sat there looking at each other and then he said we should go.

But I couldn’t get his statement out of my mind, and I felt we were both on the same journey, he was probably a bit ahead of me in his thinking as he was already separated, and was going through the pain of having to co parent his kids, the separation was tearing him apart as a parent and as a human. These were my fears, he was living my fears! Watching him so broken, yet coming to work each day, taking the next step forward gave me some comfort in the possibilities of a life as a single woman, coparenting with an ex after 12 years of marriage.

Edward continued to semi flirt with me, in his weird aloof, disengaged way!

He would sign his emails as Mary and Edward, Mary being his Philodendron Xanadu, send me photos of his thriving veggie-patch and anytime I had a work related favour to ask, he would ask me to bribe him with a coffee.

I was living through a very painful haze in my personal life, trying to work up the courage to tell my then husband that I wanted out, so it was nice to have a distraction.

He is a quiet, very intelligent, seemingly shy man who is very tall and handsome, with an enquiring gaze, a lovely smile and a passion for water-polo. He wears this very English jumper with the Great Britain flag on it, almost every day, I am not even sure if it gets washed enough, but we digress! I don’t know what attracts me to him, but I cannot help smiling when I get a text, or really annoyed when I don’t.

I think he is still trying to find himself a little bit and is overly cautious.

He seems to be okay with regaling me with details of his sports encounters, or his frustrations with his ex, but if I ask him what he is up to on the weekend, he does not respond.

He gives honest advice and has spent quite a bit of his precious consulting time solving my work problems for cups of coffee, so all in all, I think he is a lovely man!

He texts at midnight to wish me a happy new year, send me borderline sexual jokes, or ask me what I am up to on Friday nights, but if I ask him the same question, nada!

We are now in lockdown 2.0, everyone is in house arrest, so we chat now and again, and it’s fun. I would like to not obsess over him, so I named my vibrator after him! Yes, I know that does not help, but I do get a kick out of making him pleasure me at my command!

Published by Runningmum

I am still trying to work out what I am about, this blog is my journey!

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