In and out of my own life

It is 2022, Covid has evolved, I think I have too! It’s a muggy summer day here in the leafy suburb of Mount Waverley, my fridge is empty, as the kids are at their dad’s this weekend! It’s a perfect Sunday and I am sitting at my local café, waiting for my breakfast to arrive.

Sometimes I feel like an imposter living this beautiful life, doing what I want, when I want, how I want to! I am still not dating, we could blame it on the infamous extended lockdowns, but really, I know its more because I still don’t know who I am, and what I really want.

Eckhart talks about mindfulness, the power of staying in the now, and I have read that book so many times in the past, gotten through it, feeling enlightened and wise, but not really understanding what it meant until this winter when I turned to the book again, a bit broken and dissatisfied with the quality of my life.

It hit home! Life is more or less the same for everyone, what differentiates the happy and contented from the rest is the approach we take to living it.

Stillness and the ability to experience the emotions we are feeling, letting them pass through without resisting, or holding onto them is a powerful skill, and even just knowing this has empowered me so much.

There is so much packed in the phrase living in the moment. For me, it has been to accept that not everything will go my way every time and at the same time. Living the feelings – the sound of my heart breaking, pure joy of painting a sunflower on a canvas, the sound of my kids’ giggles as they have an all-out playdoh war in my living room, the unbearable urge to be held by someone who desires me, then holding myself to sleep; feeling the feelings, and then seeing myself in those moments, living in and out of my life has helped me become who I am.

I am healing, the shoe fits, and the walk through the woods is more pleasant. Life will never be predictable, and I love that about life, but I know me now, and that means all I need to do sometimes is to take a deep breath and shift my gaze!

Published by Runningmum

I am still trying to work out what I am about, this blog is my journey!

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